ABC Afterschool Special Kid
By Jason Goldtrap, November 12, 2020
Hi. I'm the ABC Afterschool Special Kid. I'm just like you expect I'm in a wheelchair and I'm blind and deaf and I have A.I.D.S., which is hard to fight due to my anorexia. My parents are getting a divorce and I'm homeless and my Dad's in prison, my Mom's an alcoholic, and I'm being bullied because I'm an African-American who dances ballet.
I am running for class President while experimenting with marijuana even though I'm secretly an undercover cop who stole the answers to tomorrow's big exam and I'm the only one who stutters but not when I'm ice dancing around the wounded deer I found in the woods.
My girlfriend wants to be on the Little League team but she can't get away from her secret life of being an overweight, dyslexic, illiterate, Muslim, teen singing sensation who is giving birth to a mixed race Crack baby covered in birthmarks and she's actually a dude but I'm comforted by my guardian angel disguised as a retired Jewish circus clown.
We both became accidentally launched aboard the Space Shuttle where we showed the astronauts and their guests the Harlem Globetrotters that you don't have to be pretty to succeed while helping them set up a non religious and allergy sensitive, Christmas tree that can be recycled.
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